Peace of Me

“Let Us Beat Swords into Ploughshares.” - Evgeniy Vuchetich

I don’t know much about peace.

I grew up in a time of an enormous social upheaval of systems and assumed norms. Conflict was the theme of that era - from the Cold War to the Vietnam War to the civil rights and peace movements, to Nixon’s corruption to even the break up of the Beatles. I also grew up in a home with an emotionally-stunted father in a perpetual identity crisis and a mother broken and wounded by a horrific childhood. Violence was common. Peaceful moments were the rare exception unless at the ranch or playing outside. And peace seemed like a distant and impossible idea.

Although Lynna and I built a peaceful home for ourselves and then our boys, I was not at peace. This is partially related to being a trauma survivor and having a lot of unhealed wounds. It was partially related to the inherent struggles of getting married very young, becoming a young dad, and trying to carve out a living and an identity at the same time. And it was definitely related to trying to fit my wild soul into the narrow box of fundamentalist Christianity.

Despite a shit ton of inner work to be more integrated, more connected to my heart and my soul, and having more consciousness, peace has still been elusive. Some of this is having the masculine as my dominant energy. The masculine is wired for protecting, providing, and problem-solving. Higher conscious masculinity approaches each of these differently than lower conscious masculinity. However, each of these roles is informed by conflict.