Load Imbalance
Being an adult, I’ve long said, is 50% fun and 50% drudgery. The fun—sex, freedom, resources—is pretty awesome. But the drudgery—work, bills, taxes, household stuff—is the tax you pay for existing. But the math doesn’t always hold. Sometimes it feels like it’s 10/90, with the fun barely visible. And that, my friends, is where the trouble begins.
We’re fed a steady diet of motivational posters, Instagram affirmations, and chirpy advice about “finding the joy” in obligatory shit. Make it fun! Turn the laundry into a meditative practice! Count your blessings while cleaning your gutters! Gross. You don’t have to be positive about everything. Some things suck, and that’s okay. Being negative isn’t a moral failing; it’s a signal.
If you’re constantly feeling resentful, drained, or pissed off, it’s because your internal scales are out of whack. You’ve overloaded one side and neglected the other. The goal isn’t to slap a smile on your face or chant affirmations until “you find the joy”. The goal is to rebalance the load. Positivity is the byproduct of balance, not the solution to imbalance.
So here’s a radical thought: negativity might be your friend. What if that low-level dread, that subtle grinding anxiety, isn’t something to fix or repress? What if it’s a perfectly reasonable response to a load imbalance? Not the kind of imbalance that requires a prescription or a therapist (although those are valid), but the everyday imbalance between doing what you love and doing what you have to do. That imbalance—that lopsided, unsustainable tension—is what generates overwhelm, disorientation, and the chronic pressure we’ve normalized. No wonder you feel like shit.
A Note of Sensitivity
Before we go further, let’s acknowledge something important: sometimes life truly is shitty. A tragedy, a severe illness, or the loss of someone you love can knock you off your feet and keep you there. These moments aren’t about load imbalances—they’re about survival. In these times, it’s okay to just endure. There’s no balancing act that can make grief or trauma feel manageable, and there’s no quick path to centeredness in the middle of devastation.
What you can do, however, is hold space for yourself. Allow yourself to feel everything without judgment. Recognize that being human means sometimes carrying a weight that can’t be shifted or shared. And know that these periods of heaviness, though brutal, are part of the fullness of life. They’re not a sign of failure—they’re a testament to your capacity to endure and, eventually, to heal.
The Cycle of Collapse
Most of life is a sprint followed by a collapse. You push hard to meet a deadline, to finish the kids’ science projects, to squeeze in one more obligation, and then you collapse into bed, a couch, or a Netflix-induced coma. You repeat this cycle until something breaks: your body, your relationships, or your willpower. The culture applauds the hustle but ignores the cost.
The truth is, it’s not about managing your time better or hacking your way to productivity. As Oliver Burkeman points out in Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, the problem isn’t your to-do list. The problem is deeper: it’s how you balance the load between options and obligations. Options are where you feel expansive, creative, and alive. Obligations are where you feel small, constrained, and, frankly, a little dead inside. When the obligations outpace the options, life starts to feel unbearable.
Indicators of Load Imbalance
The pressures of modern life are likely not going away anytime soon. Obligations, deadlines, and demands are an ever-present part of our world. But you can’t ignore the warning signs of imbalance—those moments when life feels like too much. Here are some of the most common indicators:
Discouraged: You feel like no matter how hard you push, it’s never enough. The weight of obligations saps your energy and extinguishes hope.
Disoriented: Life feels chaotic and aimless. You’re not sure what to focus on, and the path forward seems murky at best.
Disorganized: Your mental and physical spaces are cluttered, mirroring the imbalance within. It’s hard to find clarity when everything feels out of place.
Disempowered: You feel trapped by your circumstances, like your choices have been taken away. The imbalance steals your agency and leaves you feeling stuck.
If any of these resonate, it’s a signal to pause and reassess. These feelings aren’t flaws or weaknesses; they’re the natural result of carrying a load that’s unevenly distributed.
“The world is bursting with wonder, and yet it’s the rare productivity guru who seems to have considered the possibility that the ultimate point of all our frenetic doing might be to experience more of that wonder.”
― Oliver Burkeman
The Path to Centeredness
So how do you balance the load? I’ve only found one way: get centered. Centeredness isn’t some mystical, unattainable state; it’s a practical necessity. It’s where you find grace, gratitude, grit, and generosity. Being centered doesn’t mean you’re calm or Zen-like all the time. It’s about returning to a place of choice—a place where you reclaim control over your inner landscape, no matter how chaotic the external world might be.
At its core, centeredness is about alignment. It’s the state where your values, actions, and emotions are working in harmony. When you’re centered, you’re not just reacting to life; you’re actively engaging with it. You’re able to see clearly, to separate what matters from what doesn’t. This clarity allows you to prioritize with intention—to say “yes” to the things that nourish your soul and “no” to the things that drain it.
Centeredness is also the only state where the voice of your soul becomes audible. In a state of imbalance, that voice gets drowned out by the noise of obligations and expectations. But when you’re centered, you create space for it. You allow yourself to hear the quiet truths that guide your purpose and reconnect with the deeper meaning behind your choices. This isn’t just a luxury; it’s the foundation for living a life that feels whole and authentic.
Practical Steps to Rebalance
Get Still Centeredness starts with stillness. Meditate, pray, journal, or just sit quietly for five minutes a day. The goal isn’t to clear your mind; it’s to hear it.
Audit Your Load Write down everything you’re currently doing—everything. Categorize each task as an option (things you love) or an obligation (things you have to do). Be honest with yourself about how much of your life falls into each category.
Eliminate, Delegate, Automate Look at your obligations. What can you eliminate entirely? What can you delegate to someone else? What can you automate so it takes up less of your energy?
Prioritize Options Block out time for the things that light you up. Make them non-negotiable.
Adjust Regularly Life’s loads are always shifting. What felt balanced last month might feel oppressive now. Revisit your load balance often and adjust as needed.
A Note for Neurodivergent Folks
If you’re neurodivergent, like me, this process can feel exponentially harder. Your brain might resist structure, your energy might come in unpredictable waves, and your obligations might feel heavier than they are. But the path is still the same. Centeredness is where you find the strength to navigate the chaos. It’s harder, yes, but not impossible.
The Cost of Imbalance
If you don’t address your load imbalance, you’ll pay for it in subtle but profound ways that creep into every corner of your life. You’ll lose touch with who you are, like a compass spinning aimlessly without north. Instead of living intentionally—choosing, crafting, creating—you’ll find yourself reacting to everything as if life is an endless series of demands.
You’ll feel disjointed, like a passenger in your own life, watching as it speeds by in a blur of shoulds and musts. Your energy will drain, your focus will scatter, and worst of all, you’ll miss the quiet, persistent whisper of your soul. That whisper isn’t noise; it’s the part of you that remembers your purpose, your gifts, and what lights you up. But imbalance muffles it, leaving you to wonder if it was ever there to begin with. Don’t let the weight of imbalance drown out your own voice.
The Payoff of Balance
When you rebalance your load, everything shifts. Obligations feel lighter. Options feel richer. You’re not constantly sprinting or collapsing; you’re moving through life with rhythm and intention. You’re not chasing positivity; you’re embodying it. And most importantly, you’re centered—anchored in a place of grace, gratitude, grit, and generosity.
This is what true freedom looks like. It’s not the absence of obligation but the presence of clarity and purpose. Freedom isn’t about escaping responsibility; it’s about showing up fully for what you’re here to do. And you can’t do that from a state of imbalance. You can’t create, serve, or love at your highest capacity when your soul is weighed down by what doesn’t belong to you.
When you’re centered, you’re free. Free to make deliberate choices. Free to say no without guilt and yes without hesitation. Free to hear the voice of your soul and align with its call. That’s the kind of freedom that fills your days with meaning and your life with peace. And it will make the positive adult stuff even more fun and meaningful!