Facts About Feelings

Six precepts about feelings to consider …

1. Facts don't fix feelings.

2. Almost every relational conflict is about feelings, not facts.

3. Opinions are much more about feelings than facts.

4. Addressing irrationality with logic usually just creates more irrationality.

5. You have the right to feel all of your feelings AND you are 100% responsible for your choices.

6. Feelings don’t need to be “fixed”.

As a reminder, there are two different kinds of feelings…

There are core feelings that all mammals have. These all come from the nervous system as either part of our core wiring or through social conditioning. These feelings are not optional. Other than suppressing them, you can’t control them.

While it's difficult to definitively state the exact core emotions that all mammals experience, several basic emotions are widely believed to be common across many mammalian species. These emotions are thought to be evolutionary adaptations that help mammals navigate their environments and interact with each other. Some of the core emotions include:

Fear: Fear is a basic survival mechanism that helps mammals respond to threats and dangerous situations. It triggers a "fight-or-flight" response, leading to behaviors such as fleeing, hiding, or defensive aggression.

Anger: Anger is an emotional response to perceived threats or injustices. It can motivate mammals to assert themselves, defend their territory or resources, or confront challenges.

Overwhelm: Overwhelm is a state of the nervous system being overcome or inundated by a large amount of something, such as tasks, emotions, or information, to the point where it becomes difficult to cope or manage effectively. This is related to our Window of Tolerance.

Happiness/Joy: Happiness and joy are positive emotions associated with feelings of pleasure, contentment, and well-being. These emotions can be triggered by rewarding experiences, social interactions, or the fulfillment of basic needs.

Sadness: Sadness is an emotional response to loss, disappointment, or separation. It can manifest as feelings of sorrow, grief, or loneliness and may lead to behaviors such as withdrawal or seeking comfort from others.

Surprise: Surprise is a reaction to unexpected or unfamiliar stimuli. It can be accompanied by physiological arousal and may trigger heightened awareness or a startled response.

Disgust: Disgust is an aversive emotion triggered by offensive or unpleasant stimuli. It can lead to avoidance behaviors and is thought to help mammals avoid potentially harmful or contaminated substances.

Affection/Bonding: Affection and bonding emotions are associated with social attachments, attachment to offspring, and forming bonds with mates or social group members. These emotions help promote social cohesion and cooperation among mammals.

“Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.”
― Audre Lorde