Dancing with Our Monsters
Fear needs a PR firm. It gets a bad rap as something to get rid of; as some sort of enemy to conquer. Or in bro-ance language, “crush” or “slay” or “fuck” fears. Calm down, bruh.
I suppose that is true with existential fears. But primal fear is designed to keep us alive. Most of the time, fear is just doing its job.
Like all core human emotions, fear is on a spectrum from unhealthy to healthy. Unhealthy fear is debilitating and makes us play small. It often manifests as aggression, violence, addiction, abuse, etc. Healthy fear keeps mind, body, and soul alive, engaged, and thriving.
Fear originates in the ego - which means its primary tool is comparison. It is comparing safety, conditions, resources, skills, relationships, status and more. Unhealthy fear produces comparison that leads to jealousy, possessiveness, invasiveness, etc. But all things of the ego can be harnessed for good. Fear and comparison can be re-purposed as motivators, benchmarks, and anti-goals.
Like all trauma survivors, I have dealt with an often crippling fear of abandonment and rejection. Thankfully, all of the work I’ve done to integrate my trauma has produced a consistent centeredness that I’ve never experienced before. This spaciousness has allowed me to re-examine my fears through the unhealthy vs healthy lens. I think my biggest healthy fear is not being centered; of not finding the Presence Point. When I’m not present in my own life, I return to the holographic me - the being my mind generated to protect my inner child. This holographic me is primarily fueled by fear, which is almost all unhealthy. I utilize the fear of losing presence to get my ass in my meditation practice and continuously observing my thoughts, motivations, and reactions.
“There are times when fear is good. It must keep its watchful place at the heart's controls.”
— Aeschylus
This led me to ponder other healthy fears that I’m utilizing to stay sharp and immersed in the experience of living. I’m sure there are more, but here is an initial list of five healthy fears: