Dancing with Anxiety

In my 100th Episode of Third Way podcast, one of the questions Virginia asked me was about my most significant recent personal discovery. My answer:

Anxiety is optional.

This is a lovely theory. And probably true.

However …

Many of my theories and ideas break down under scrutiny or in the crucible of reality. I’m ok with that because a) I like to learn and evolve and b) because it helps me clearly discern between theory and practice.

The crucible for this theory about anxiety being optional happened this past Saturday.

Some context …

Virginia’s 50th birthday was on Friday. One of her dearest friends from Central America, Coralia, flew into Austin to surprise her for her birthday. Coralia wanted to go out dancing with us, so we made plans to go to Gloria’s (a nearby Latin American restaurant that converts to a dance club) on Saturday evening.

Outside of going two-stepping several times, going out dancing to a club was a new experience for me. So feeling a little nervous about trying something new is normal. But I also felt the low hum of anxiety underneath the nervousness.

As the evening approached, I felt the buzz of anxiety become louder - like the cicadas here in the Hill Country. On the surface, it’s just going dancing. But to my brain, it was so much more.

Here were some of the stories my mind was ginning up …

Fatigue is the #1 trigger for anxiety. It had been a fun but long Friday and Saturday. What if I ran out of juice while at the club? What if I had a panic attack in the club?What if I had to go wait in the car? It’s so hot out, what if I have to Uber home and leave them there?

I can handle one thing that makes me anxious. Or even two. But three things tips me over the edge. What if I look like a fool? What if there is too much sensorial stimulation? What if it is too loud? Too crowded? Too many flashing lights? Too many drunk people?

On occassion, I can become insecure about my gringo-ness. I don’t know how to dance salsa or merengue or bachata. I don’t know the cultural norms. What if I embarrass her? What if a smooth-talking Antonia Banderas-type asks her to dance?