8 Things You May Not Know about ADHD

I’m writing this essay under the influence of painkillers from a root canal. Please forgive any murkiness!

Yesterday was a rough day. Likely the trailing result of intense physical pain (thus the above-mentioned root canal), I woke up with a high level of ADHD activation. This carried on throughout most of the day. I know I’ve been quite transparent about having ADHD but haven’t written in-depth about its experience. Thus this week’s essay.

First some context …

In 2020, I was diagnosed by my therapist as having ADHD. ADHD remains shrouded in mystery for neurotypical people. It’s often confused with ADD but is quite different. Approximately 4% of US adults have been diagnosed as having ADHD. This number would likely be closer to 10% if more adults sought out an analysis. There is still quite a bit of shame associated with it - especially amongst men 45+.

Do you think you might have ADHD? Maybe have a family member or friend who does? The hard science behind ADHD assessments is somewhat thin, but here is one of the more useful and thorough self-assessments. Besides extensive work with my therapist, the book “Driven” by Douglas Brackmann has been the very best owner’s manual for ADHD.

As I mentioned, there are many myths and misunderstandings about ADHD. To that end, here are 8 things to understand about ADHD.

1. ADHD is not a disorder. It is a spectrum of neurodiversity that is comprised of genetic wiring and level of trauma. Here is a helpful chart from @livlifecoaching.
   

   

   It’s also neither a mood or a personality trait. It is not something to “fix” or a problem to solve. It is simply an energy/resource to manage.
   

2. Outward indicators vary but mine include: fidgeting, nail-chewing, activity loops (sort of like multi-tasking but more impulsive), over-sharing, and hypersensitivity to fairness. Although it may not always be obvious, the #1 trait of my ADHD is a need to control - situations, people, conditions. As I wrote about last week, when I’m operating from my Higher Self this need to control is replaced by unconditional love and protection.
   

3. Not every person with anxiety has ADHD. But pretty much everyone with ADHD has anxiety. With some rare exceptions, it is always there. What varies is the level of intensity. Most of us with ADHD have a name or metaphor for this sensation. For me, it’s the Hornet’s Nest. It’s always there but sometimes the hornets are quieter. And some days (like yesterday), they roar like 1000 lions.
   
   Using a zero (no anxiety) to 10 (what I call “War Dog” anxiety) scale, here is a breakdown of what I experience:
   
   Zero: Anything that is what I call I.C.E. - an Immersive Creative Experience. I will likely create a separate essay about this, but I.C.E. activities include my cosmic connection with my partner, being in actual danger, a challenging hike, lifting weights, cooking and several other things. These all soothe the Hornet’s Nest.
   
   5: Typically brought on by mental and physical fatigue, hunger, and over-stimulation.
   
   10: As experienced yesterday, intense physical and/or emotional pain. In addition, any really big and overwhelming emotions - especially anger.
   

4. Everyone with ADHD has their own set of traits but someone common ones I’ve seen are:
   
   Perimeter protection: we are always scanning the perimeter we’ve been assigned to protect; constantly doing “ok checks”.
   
   Hyper-vigilance: we read every face in every room. We often cue off tone, facial expressions and body language.
   
   Pattern recognition: we are excellent chess players and puzzle-solvers, literally and metaphorically. In addition, we are Mosaic Thinkers - we can see the entire big picture but also the minute details. Unfortunately, we can also see patterns and create false narratives that lead to loops (see below).
   

5. We all have our ADHD go into full activation mode for different reasons and triggers. It is my observation that this is much more related to the level of prior trauma. The less trauma you’ve experienced, the more manageable your triggers are. For me, activation comes primarily from my own Rule of 3: three things that happen concurrently or consecutively over a short period of time. Examples: loud music, negative crowd energy, lots of alcohol present. I have a number of these Rules of 3. Knowing and accepting them gives me a chance

   to reframe and prepare.
   

6. Heightened ADHD episodes happen in loops - usually trigger, narrative, behavior. Unless someone with ADHD has space to process, this loop can spin faster and faster and we become more and more “spun out”. Breaking these loops requires a level of conscious awareness. Most days, I can see a loop and do a self-intervention. But somedays, the loop is spinning like a buzzsaw and all I can do is wait it out or wear myself out with hard physical activity.
   

7. We ADHD’ers have very active imaginations. When in a centered place, we use our imaginations to remember exquisite past details (which is why we are excellent storytellers) or paint vivid pictures of a future state (which is why many of us are artists and entrepreneurs). However, when we are off-center, this active imagination can lead quickly to resentments, grievances, paranoia, projecting.
   

8. If you are in a relationship (intimate, friend, familial, business partnership) with someone with ADHD, there are a few things you can do to be supportive. First, pay attention. If we seem off, it’s ok to ask if we are ok. Just please don’t say “What’s wrong with you?” ADHD can feel very isolating and lonely so simply acknowledging that we are having an episode is helpful. Second, help us separate facts from narratives. If we are in an intense episode, we don’t really know what’s real and what’s not. This contributes to the aforementioned loops. Separating facts from narratives helps us break this loop. Finally, depending on the person, do something soothing; just like you would an agitated animal. Again, please don’t say “calm down” or “relax”. A simple caress, hug, holding of the hand all help tremendously.

I will close with this musing about ADHD that I wrote last week …

Pro-tip for fellow ADHDers: if you are feeling anxious/activated, check the parameter for threats to what is most important to you (for me, its relationships, purpose, health). If everything is OK, then everything is OK. Don’t waste your energy on chasing ghosts, reacting to perceived threats, debunking mental narratives. Let that shit go. Focus on what’s real. 

Also … I’m strongly considering starting a mastermind for entrepreneurs (including artists) with ADHD. Email me at justin @ fosterthinking dot com if you are interested in being a part of it. Please also share this post and email with anyone you think might be interested.